Dirty Hambone McGee,
          Meanest man in the county -
          Maybe even the world!
          And it's all on account he
          Never kissed a girl!

          He just sits a rockin'
          Out on his front porch;
          And to any who come near
          With his words he will scorch!

          "I'll never let the likes of you
          "Ever get close to me!
          "Because I know I'm dirty,
          "Dirty Hambone McGee!"

          "I don't wanna see you,
          "I don't wanna hear you.
          "All I want to do
          "Is just wish I was not blue."

          He would fret and worry,
          "Oh, how woe is me!"
          He would fret and worry,
          "What shall become of me?"

          For when he was a child,
          He swore off any healing;
          "I shall always pretend
          "That I have no feeling!"

          And when he saw others
          Growing in their lives;
          He would stab his heart
          With his denial knives.

          "They must never know
          "The true feelings of me!
          "I will nobly hide
          "My grief for none to see!"

          It's true there's one
          Who came along...
          And in his heart
          She put a song...

          She's the only one 
          He ever dreamed to kiss;
          "But I am not worthy
          "Of such a lovely Miss..."

          After her, he rocked faster,
          And his life was twice as bitter;
          Poor Dirty Hambone McGee,
          Such a lonesome critter!

          He lived out with animals,
          And lived just like a dog;
          And he wallowed in the mud
          As if he were a hog!

          When covered in such filth,
          He would articulate:
          "I must show the world
          "It's I that I most hate!"

          He knew his life was based
          Upon a crying lie;
          And knew it would always
          Make him wish to die.

          It has even been said
          When he was still young,
          This boy would hang his head
          Next to a loaded gun!

          Dirty Hambone McGee,
          That lying-son-of-a-bitch!
          Would rather die than scratch
          A tiny, little itch!

          What can be now
          Left for you to prove?
          Why is it so holy
          For you to have to lose?

          I said to him,

          "I see the things you hide!
          "I can see you've lied!
          "Now it's up to you
          "To give up all your pride!"

          Dirty Hambone McGee
          Looked at me confused;
          And for quite a while
          On my words he mused.

          "I don't know what to make
          "Of the words you say.
          "Who would want a man
          "Who's unwanted anyway?"

          "I tell you that there's none
          "In this entire land,
          "That of my horrid life
          "Who will ever understand!"

          "When I think of the things
          "I could have had to live;
          "I, myself, passed on them
          "Now myself I can't forgive!"

          Then I saw him wince,
          And fall into great pain;
          He truly lead a life
          We would call insane.

          But then my back was pierced
          By a man who gave a nudge;
          "Dirty Hambone McGee!
          "It's you I've come to judge!"

          "I am here to tell you,
          "You have not been chaste!
          "And your entire life
          "Has all been a waste!"

          "For the likes of you
          "There is no excuse!
          "Now give to me your life
          "To have for my own use!"

          But in this frightful moment,
          As I saw Hambone so lonely;
          I could see he knew love
          As the true answer only.

          "Yes it is true,
          "I'm Dirty Hambone McGee,
          "But if you've not come
          "To help me,
          "Then just let me be!"